I have a fun history of accidentally creating strange situations, or saying…unique…things. Here are just a few from my trip to NYC.
I got to my hotel, and the dead bolt would not lock. I looked at it, flipped the thingy, flipped it back, opened the door, closed the door – nothing. I called the front desk and they said they would send a guy up.
The guy arrived, took one look at it, flipped the thing, and said “This isn’t broken”.
I said “it’s not?” and he said “No” and flipped it again.
NOTHING WAS HAPPENING. You normally see the dead bolt part like, move, right?? Or hear a click! None of that.
So I said “But nothing made a noise and I didn’t see it”.
He said “But look, deadbolt off” and he flipped the thing, and then “and deadbolt on” and he flipped the thing. AND NOTHING CHANGED. I thought for sure he was just saying this to convince me it worked so he could steal the 10 pairs of underwear I packed for a 5 day trip or take the Pop Tarts I brought in case I got snacky in the middle of the night.
I stared at him, flapped (for those who do not know, when I get frustrated, anxious, excited, or basically any emotion at all, my arms flail out and shake and my hands flap like a giant flightless bird) and said “BUT NOTHING HAPPENED THOUGH”.
He laughed and opened the door, and did it again – flip, “Deadbolt off”, and then he put his key in, and the handle was able to open as normal. Then he flipped, and said “Deadbolt on” and put his key in AND THE HANDLE DID NOT MOVE. It was an invisible, soundless dead bolt. I stared at him some more, then looked at the door, then back at him.
“I feel so stupid I cannot even tell you, can I give you chocolate?” and I flapped my way back into my room and grabbed a handful of Hershey Nuggets and gave them to him, and he was still laughing and saying thank you, and I continued to feel more and more stupid, so naturally I said “Wait, you need more” and I flapped my way back, grabbed more Nuggets, and dumped them in his hands.
Then I accidentally took a cab three blocks because I have no sense of direction, time, distance, or size and I thought Carnegie Hall was much farther away than it actually was.
For my last Darcy Moment, I present you with this conversation with a cashier at the Harry Potter Store:
Darcy: I applied here like, 20 times, and they didn’t hire me.
Cashier: Oh, do you live in the area?
Darcy: No, I live in Ohio.
Cashier: That’s probably why they didn’t hire you.
Darcy: And realistically, I guess I probably couldn’t move here if I worked here, I...(here is where I stopped myself from saying “make a lot more money than you probably do” – which I did NOT mean the way it sounds! I just meant I couldn’t go from a management position to a retail job and not take a pay cut!)
Darcy: I mean, my job now, I’m….(again, stopped myself from saying “a pretty big deal”, which I AM NOT! I am not a pretty big deal! This was me trying to convey I am a manager somewhere and that’s why it would be a pay cut!)
Darcy: What I mean is….my job now…I couldn’t…leave…it…
Cashier: You absolutely couldn’t live here on this salary, I’m actually retired and do this for fun, I wouldn’t be able to live here on this income.
I bet you think this mortifying exchange with this poor woman is over now, right? Nope.
Darcy: You’re retired?? I thought you were my age.
Cashier: Don’t say this out loud, but I’m (whispers) 59. These kids here don’t know I’m that old.
Darcy: (uncontrolled volume). YOU ARE 59???
Cashier: I said shhhh! They don’t know!
Darcy: (still uncontrolled volume) BUT YOU LOOK MY AGE AND I AM 45.
Did that really happen, you may ask yourself? If you’ve met me, you know that it did. I write things in the notes on my phone right after they happen if I even slightly sense that things did not go the way they might have for someone else. Sometimes it turns out it wasn’t as bad as I thought, but when it IS that bad, I have a pretty accurate record of it!
Speaking of writing things down in my notes, stay tuned for my next post that will feature All Things Carnegie Hall, including the four ladies who sat behind me and the things they said!