First, this is about lying, not JUST the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial. Yep. I am obsessed with The Trial, and here is why. I DO love Johnny Depp, I have since I was 12. I am Team Johnny, 100%. But the reason I am obsessively invested in The Trial is because I *hate* people who lie. Hate. Everyone lies, Johnny Depp probably lies, but the extent to which Amber Heard has been proven to be lying is unreal. I don’t even like little lies, but I logically accept that they happen.
Just to give one example, Amber said that these are two different pictures, taken on different days:
Not only is that clearly, CLEARLY, the exact same picture, but it was proven with data that I do not understand, that it IS the same picture, and that they were edited. Every picture she used as evidence, and every video, was edited. And she sat there, sworn under oath, and said that those two pictures were not the same picture, and not edited.
I can never tell when people are lying, I believe everyone. I do not believe Amber or anything she says about anything at all.
But that leads us to lying in general. I am physically incapable of lying, to the point that if I think I have been misunderstood or that my intention was not received properly (which I view as a lie), I am compelled by forces unknown to make sure the person knows EXACTLY what I meant, so they don’t think I lied and so that I am clearly understood. Here’s the problem – I don’t express myself well verbally at all. Sometimes I say words and they make a lot of sense, and other times I open and close my mouth and zero words come out. I make it REALLY HARD for people to truly understand what I mean (not intentionally). So between my need to never lie, and my need to be understood, the people in my life deal with…a lot.
I follow up excessively. “When I said this really long thing, did you understand that what I meant was this other really long thing?”. My supervisor refers to it as writing 5 page emails at 1 o’clock in the morning, because I will have spent the day thinking about a conversation where I know didn’t convey what I meant, and then I NEED to make sure any parties involved understand what I meant. So there I am at 1am frantically spelling out every single detail of my intended meaning. This is also why I prefer to converse or respond to things in writing – I am not succinct, but it allows me to get every single detail out without being thrown off.
Another downside to an obsessive desire to be understood is that I am often accused of being defensive, and I understand that, because why would a person need to be understood unless they were defending themselves. I think most people would just be like “Ok, they didn’t get that the way I meant, that’s fine”. Or would they? I’m not actually sure, but I get the impression that I stand out in my desire to make sure everyone understood things the way I meant them. This is different than how I approach managing – I listen to people that I manage with the intent of understanding them, not necessarily making myself understood (unless it is pertinent to the issue at hand, or helps the situation), but if I am dealing with anyone I do not manage, especially if they tell me what I mean, I NEED to make sure they understand. Also, I hate it when people tell me what I mean or what my intentions are.
I kind of forgot why I wrote all this, was there a point? I’m sure there was a point at some point – but anyway, I want to be understood and I don’t like lying, and I don’t like anyone to think I am lying, and if you joke about me meaning something that I didn’t mean, I will take it seriously and respond and then you will say “omg, I was just joking” and then I’ll say “derp, I missed the joke again”.