I live with my parents. They are 80 and I am 45.
Over the past few years, they have had some health things happen, most notably, they both fall and then…wait for it…they can’t get up. For my dad, he trips over things. With my mom, she can’t feel her legs or feet so sometimes she just hits the floor. She never mentioned that she can’t feel her legs and feet until about a year ago, but it had been going on for several years.
None of that is the point of this post, the point is that on Friday night, they told me a guy was coming to give an estimate to make our downstairs all hardwood floors, and take away the carpet. There was no precursor to this, it just happened that suddenly. I am still not sure why this decision was made, but it seemed harmless, so I didn’t question it.
Then on Saturday, they cancelled the floor guy and told me they are going to list the house for sale and we are moving. This makes sense, because for now they can still get up and down the stairs, but who knows when they won’t be able to. Also it is pretty nerve wracking to watch them go up and down unsteadily. A ranch or a first floor living situation (with an upstairs or separate space for me) would be ideal.
On Sunday, they tell me we are no longer moving, we were going to get a Stair Lift Chair Thingy that they could ride up and down the stairs. A guy is coming on Tuesday to give an estimate. Ok, that makes sense, let’s do that.
On Tuesday, I went into the office to work, and I got a Ring camera alert. The Stair Lift Chair Man was there. I put on the live view and heard my dad say “Oh, we cancelled that appointment this morning, didn’t they tell you?” That is how I learned that they were not going to get the Stair Lift Chair Thing.
I had the following email exchange with my dad:
To: Ken
From: Darcy
Did I just see you reject the Stair Life Chair Man on the Ring camera?
To: Darcy
From: Ken
No.
To: Ken
From: Darcy
I have it recorded on the Ring camera.
To: Darcy
From: Ken
We tried to cancel but he didn’t get the message and he gave me 3 estimates but we aren’t getting it.
To: Ken
From: Darcy
WHY NOT?
To: Darcy
From: Ken
Your mother doesn’t see a need for it.
To: Ken
From: Darcy
SHE DOES NOT SEE A NEED FOR IT? THERE IS NO NEED?
Seriously, she sees no need? Not a future need, just, no need. That’s it? She can’t possibly think of a reason a stair lift would ever be needed?
To: Darcy
From: Ken
Correct.
To: Ken
From: Darcy
So, I’m going to be late coming home, I’m going to stop by David’s (my brother) and say hi after work, just wanted to let you know!
Well, they are extremely suspicious people…and I am not that good at being casual and secretive…so my mom called my brother and asked him if I was coming over to talk about their fate and what we are going to do with them. As if either of us could ever force Ken or Mo to do something they didn’t want to! But yes, that was exactly why I was going to my brother’s house.
We conferred, I took notes, we each had our assignments of things to look into, and I came home and presented the information to Ken and Mo. I said that they don’t have to do anything they don’t want to, there are many options, but as they keep falling and having a harder time getting upstairs, we need to do SOMETHING. So the options are open, but not doing anything is NOT an option. They were both ok with this.
The thing about my dad is that he will think about something, have zero factual information about it, come to a conclusion, and firmly believe that conclusion is real. One of the options we had was to get an estimate for building an addition on to the house of a full bathroom that is accessible, on the first floor.
My dad, who has never built anything in his life and proudly proclaims that Jewish men can fix anything with one hand – they pick up the phone and call someone else to do it – decided that it is impossible to build a door to the as yet nonexistent bathroom, it has to be a sliding door, because obviously, the only place to put the mythical bathroom is off of the utility room, and where in the utility room could another door possibly go? So we have to make one of the walls a sliding door because that is the only possible way this can physically happen.
I had to add a rule that, while they can discuss all of the options, and they can veto or approve anything, they cannot attempt to figure out how to build a bathroom/how to sell this house/how to find a suitable living space, on their own, because they do not have the information to do this accurately. David and I will contact the people who know how these things work, and rather than basing decisions on my dad’s idea of what is possible or not, we will base decision on facts.
Another example of my dad doing this is with contestants on American Idol. One person said (several seasons ago) that their mom died when they were young. That was it. That was all we knew about this guy.
Ken then filled me in that obviously, the guy’s mom was a drug addict, and that’s why she died, because they live in Los Angeles, so what else could it be, and he probably doesn’t have a dad in the picture, and I wonder who raised him? He was probably alone and that’s why he dresses so weird and his hair is like that, no one was there to teach him because his mom was in the cartel and died of a drug overdose and his dad left the family because obviously, after the mom, who was a prostitute and a drug addict who died of a drug overdose, was dead the dad wanted to get away from the kid, because the dad couldn’t handle being a single father because he was a manual laborer and gone for 14 to 16 hours a day and obviously he can’t take care of a kid on his own, and also the dad couldn’t get any dates now because he was a single father, so he had no hope of remarrying, especially with his schedule as a contractor, he had to be on job sites all day, so he wasn’t around to teach the kid how to dress or what his hair should look like but he obviously had money because the kid was taken care of, so he must have sent money to take care of the kid but he couldn’t be active in his life because of his job as stock trader, and so the guy was raised by their Polish housekeeper and that is why he dresses so weird and his hair looks like that.
I wish I were joking.
TO THIS DAY I have NO IDEA if he does these things intentionally to be funny or if he really goes down this rabbit hole in his brain and creates these scenarios and then believes them. I really think he starts out joking but quickly talks himself into whatever extended scenario he is creating and it becomes real to him.
Regardless, it is mind boggling and funny as hell.